Many of my adoring citizens ask me if there is a certain type of person that I prefer to rob more than others. And truthfully, that’s not a simple question. Different potential marks do tend to fall into certain categories and I enjoy stealing some types of things from certain types of people.
Now, everyone knows that thieves are experts in observing their prey. See Hoodwink,321 UOT 1 (2011). We often know more about the people around us than their best friends. I have had the pleasure of encountering every type of person in Sosaria, or near enough as makes no matter.
Let us briefly look at some of the different types of people that inhabit my fair Kingdom as well as those that seem to infest my poor Kingdom.
The Well Adjusted Mark
This mark is as their name implies, well adjusted. The well adjusted mark is even tempered, friendly and typically has a sense of humor. They act normal, speak normal and by my assessment are normal people. They have friends, fun, and it takes a concerted effort to upset them. (and who would want to upset a well adjusted person?)
As a thief, I often encounter well adjusted people. Most of these encounters are pleasant and amiable, characterized by friendly conversation and a mutual exchange of compliments. You see, well adjusted marks don’t flip out over a little larceny or burglary.
Let us address, our case in point “Rabid Girl Scout” the well adjusted mark.
These marks can be found anywhere, and I mean anywhere. They are fearless and enjoy nothing more than going where people expect them least. You may find them in the deepest dungeon in Felucca or the most open and public shopping area in Trammel.
And wouldn’t you know it, I happened upon this well adjusted mark while in Luna, the very public city of shopping malls on Atlantic. Theft in Luna is usually a term reserved for the vendor prices, but every so often a burglary occurs to spice up everyone’s life.
This well adjusted, ordinary mark was engaging in decoration time, consequently, that’s many a thieves’ favorite time of the day.
Unfortunately for this well adjusted mark, a rare wooden sign hanger was something I enjoy as much as decoration time.
And now comes to berating and insults, right?
Or the enraged threats of cosmic punishment, right?
Or the ridiculous pleas for mercy and public calls for sympathy, right?
Or blathering of incoherent phrases making no sense, right?
WRONG! This is a case study of the well adjusted mark. The well adjusted mark is calm, pragmatic, and worthy of respect. There can be no baiting of this mark, nor shall there be even a hint of being curt. This mark is far above that childishness that seems to be so rampant in our realm.
This mark can get to the point and quickly. Even the King of Thieves might be caught off guard if I wasn’t so awesome.
The Mark: Which thief did it?
The King: Your liege, Evil Lord SMuRFY.
The Mark: LOL
And with those courtesies behind us, the mark is already to the point.
OOC: I’m wearing a disguise kit, I was helping Hoodwink do something.
She’s fast, but I always know how to respond to the question of whether I’ll sell something back to a well adjusted mark. The answer is almost always a resounding “How Much Are You Paying?”
But the well adjusted mark is no fool, She can be expected to bargain like a true master.
Ah the skills of the well adjusted mark are clearly evident. But the surrounding evidence persuades me this mark has money.
Expensive gear, check.
Unholy Expensive house, check.
Expensive Sign Hanger, well that used to be a check.
And then an offer, Her crimson cincture (expensive apron worth 12million gold) for my rare sign hanger.
There’s a problem, I don’t know what this sign hanger is worth off the top of my head. As King, you have to know these things. But today, I’m actually stumped, I know it is worth more than the crimson cincture but not how much more.
This mark is crafty!!
My instincts as a thief say this is a fair deal, so I accept.
The mark even tries to bootstrap conditions onto the trade! Her sense of humor is noted. Ah, but her second condition is not one I can agree to.
And since you tried to bootstrap on a condition, I am inclined to try as well.
A King can always try for a good ego stroking right? ^_-
SMuRPHY? Theifs?! And I already accepted the trade!!
Touche, Rabid Girl Scout, you are undoubtedly a well adjusted mark.
- Evil Lord SMuRFY,
The King of Thieves (NOT THEIFS!)